“I'll get
them in. Okay!
Okay! Let me
guess what you
want. A....chocolate donut!”
“Look...Bill, for the
last time...we can't
actually read minds.
That's not how
it works.”
“But you do
want a chocolate
donut right?”
“Yes...”
“Woooohhhh! Spooky eh?”
“Bill, I have
a chocolate donut
every day. Every.
Single. Day. And anyhow,
you're not even
supposed to call
them chocolate donuts
anymore. Chocolate donuts don't
exist. There's fudge.
Or unfudge. That's
all.”
“Unfudge it is
then.”
“Actually. Make it
a doubleplusunfudge. And an untea.
No sugar.”
“See! I knew
you were going
to say that.”
“No you didn’t
Bill.”
“I knew you
were going to
say that too.”
“Bill...”
“Pick a card.”
“Look Bill...”
“Four of clubs!”
“I haven't even
picked a card.”
“Ah but you
will!”
“Okay Bill. Okay. What
am I thinking
right now? “
“You're thinking...I wish I had a
big box of Chelsea Woppas.”
“No Bill. That's what you’re thinking.”
“Well I do. What are they made
of? So malty. Yet so very bendy.”
“What I'm thinking
is ‘I want my donut.
Doubleplus sharpish’."
“Its 'speedwise' Jim. Sprinkles on the
donut though eh?”
“No Bill.
I'm allergic. If
you get me
sprinkles I go
into enaphalactic shock
and my head
explodes. I tell
you this every
day.”
“Right. Sorry Jim.
I should've remembered
that. It’s well seen we’re not the Memory
Police eh? Eh?”
“No Bill. That’s why we go through this whole routine every day.”
“All I’m trying to do is bring a little sunshine into the totalitarian
regime and…”
“There isn’t supposed to be
any sunshine in a totalitarian regime. That’s why we painted everything grey
and killed all those people. We’re not out here to have a laugh. We’re supposed
to be making sure other people aren’t
having a laugh.”
“Okay. Okay Jim. Sorry. But before I go get the donuts, I’d like you to
take a look at this piece of paper. Earlier on today I wrote down how I thought
you’d react to my comment about sunshine. Perhaps you’d like to take a look at
this. What does it say?”
“It says exactly what I said a minute ago. Word for word.”
“Word for word?”
“Yes.”
“And how could I know? How could I know unless I had read your mind!”
Bill bowed and headed off to the counter.
Jim was fairly sure he was going to report him for thoughtcrime.
