Thursday, 31 May 2012

Thought Police Teabreak

 “I'll  get  them  in.  Okay!  Okay!  Let  me  guess  what  you  want.   A....chocolate  donut!”
“Look...Bill,  for  the  last  time...we  can't  actually  read  minds.  That's  not  how  it  works.”
“But  you  do  want  a   chocolate  donut  right?”
“Woooohhhh! Spooky eh?”
“Bill,  I  have  a  chocolate  donut  every  day.  Every.  Single.  Day. And  anyhow,  you're  not  even  supposed  to  call  them  chocolate  donuts  anymore. Chocolate  donuts  don't  exist.  There's  fudge.  Or  unfudge.  That's  all.”
“Unfudge  it  is  then.”
“Actually.  Make  it  a  doubleplusunfudge.  And  an  untea.  No  sugar.”
“See!  I  knew  you  were  going  to  say  that.”
“No  you  didn’t  Bill.”
“I  knew  you  were  going  to  say  that  too.”
“Pick  a  card.”
“Look  Bill...”
“Four  of  clubs!”
“I  haven't  even  picked  a  card.”
“Ah  but  you  will!”
“Okay  Bill.  Okay. What  am  I  thinking  right  now? “
“You're  thinking...I wish I had a big box of Chelsea Woppas.”
“No  Bill.  That's  what  you’re  thinking.”
“Well  I do. What are they made of? So malty. Yet so very bendy.”
“What  I'm  thinking  is  ‘I  want  my  donut.  Doubleplus sharpish’."
“Its 'speedwise' Jim. Sprinkles on the  donut  though  eh?”
 “No  Bill.  I'm  allergic.  If  you  get  me  sprinkles  I  go  into  enaphalactic  shock  and  my  head  explodes.  I  tell  you  this  every  day.”
“Right.  Sorry  Jim.  I  should've  remembered  that. It’s well seen we’re not the Memory Police eh? Eh?”
“No Bill. That’s why we go through this whole routine every day.”
“All I’m trying to do is bring a little sunshine into the totalitarian regime and…”
“There isn’t supposed to be any sunshine in a totalitarian regime. That’s why we painted everything grey and killed all those people. We’re not out here to have a laugh. We’re supposed to be making sure other people aren’t having a laugh.”
“Okay. Okay Jim. Sorry. But before I go get the donuts, I’d like you to take a look at this piece of paper. Earlier on today I wrote down how I thought you’d react to my comment about sunshine. Perhaps you’d like to take a look at this. What does it say?”
“It says exactly what I said a minute ago. Word for word.”
“Word for word?”
“And how could I know? How could I know unless I had read your mind!
Bill bowed and headed off to the counter.
Jim was fairly sure he was going to report him for thoughtcrime.