Thursday, 19 July 2012

Albion Park

image from Graphics Fairy

I was recently emailed a document, some of which has been shared elsewhere online. It was originally produced for the Labour Government in late 2006 and looks at other ways for the UK to capitalise on the joint celebration of the Olympics and the Diamond Jubilee
The document suggests an even bolder vision for 2012, with celebrations spanning the entire year, As part of this Golden Age, a new major British theme park was to open, intended to celebrate the mythical idea of “Britishness” while providing a major new tourist destination more in line with the scope of American style themeparks. Perhaps mindful of the public’s initial reaction to the Millennium Dome, Albion Park was not to take any half measures, utilising many more instantly recogniseable licensed characters and toning down any pretence of being educational in favour of fun rides. As you would expect, the idea of “Britishness” perhaps leans more towards England than a fully inclusive UK, but all our countries were to be represented.
3 potential locations were identified, with the North of England being favoured in terms of jobs and regeneration. It’s a measure of how seriously the plans were being treated that cross party discussions were taking place with civil servants to ensure the development progressed even in the event of a change of government in the 2010 elections.
But then, in 2009, everything changed. All we have now are snippets of text intended for a mock-up brochure. Apparently a full park map was also produced to convince potential investors. I would really like to see that.
In 2012, austerity bites while we smile blankly at endless celebratory ceremonies, countries argue about whether we are stronger together or’s hard to imagine anything as patently ridiculous as this could ever happen in Britain now...our national theme park, an idea now as mythical as Albion itself....
Albion Theme Park
Explore the greatest myths and legends of Britain, follow Monty Python on a Quest for the Holy Grail, fly over the park on the backs of dragons, run through the forest of the fair folk and then dive beneath Loch Ness in search of monsters. Welcome to Albion.
From Shakespeare to JK Rowling, Britain can boast some of the best writers in the world, and Albion Park celebrates them all. Take a leisurely boat ride past the Isle of Innisfree on Ratty’s River Boats, make your own chocolate at Wonka’s factory, dig for treasure with Long John Silver and take a terrifying journey on The Demeter, where something unpleasant waits below decks. From virtual Quidditch by the Gruffalo’s forest to a splashdown right over the edge of Reichenbach Falls, all your favourite literary heroes are here.
Britain’s musical heritage is second to none, so whether you’re on a Magical Mystery Tour under the lake in our Yellow Submarines, performing live with a 4D Bono on the Zooropa stage or taking your own journey to stardom in our X-Factor studio, you’ll be sure to hit all the high notes.
There’s plenty of fun for all ages, little ones will enjoy a walk through Balamory onto Peppa Pigs balloon ride, while older kids will show no mercy on the Bump n Go Daleks and go snicker snack on the Jabberwocky roller coaster. Mum and Gran will love solving the Murder on the Orient Express and you won’t get dad and grandad off of the James Bond Car Rally, with replicas of every single Bond vehicle.
It’s not just family fun though, the more adventurous can rattle through the best of British Horror on The Devil Rides Out, go zorbing to escape The Village, leap across the rooftops of old London town on the Spring Heeled Jack or plunge into the dark on the Minecarts of Moria. And under no circumstances should you miss your appointment with The Wicker can really feel the heat.
The nations best companies have lined up to support Albion Rockstar Games GTAUK exclusively in our Gamesdome, celebrating the best in UK software development. And go crazy on the stomach churning Irn Bru Ginger Fizz.
Throughout the day you can catch our exclusive LIVE shows, featuring exclusive performances and recorded material from Britains biggest stars. Thrill to the Italian Job stunt show featuring specially recorded commentary by Michael Caine, join Britain’s most adventurous ghost hunters on a Most Haunted Live tour and follow full size holograms of cartoon band the Gorillaz into space. 
There’s too much to do in one day...why not stay on site in one of our theme hotels. Choose from the gothic chic of Hammer Horror Hotel, the 1920s glamour of Miss Marple’s Mystery Hotel, modern design and urban stylings at Hotel FAC 51, old fashioned seaside fun at Fawlty Towers or live like a King or Queen at Camelot.
Albion can dream.