Thursday, 2 June 2011

Imaginary Baddies

Why cant we all just get along?
Because we can’t. Now that we’ve established that basic principle, can we move on?
I don’t even know if its physically possible for me to get along with you. I think it might actually be a medical condition. Or genetics. And I want it on record that I have tried. I mean, I knew it wasn’t going to work, but at least I gave it a go. 
I’m sure if I googled hard enough I could find some science to back this up, maybe it’s a survival life and work, we naturally congregate into groups and are distrustful of anything “other” or “different” as a way of protecting the group. Maybe we project onto others the things we dare not confront about ourselves. Maybe it’s a self esteem issue. 

Or maybe...some people are just arseholes. 
Actually...actually that’s it isn’t it? 
Some people are just arseholes. Like you.You are an arsehole.
Blimey...that’s...that’s really liberating. I understand you a whole lot better now. I don’t like you any better, but now at least you have a context. 
All this time, all this energy I’ve wasted getting annoyed with you, all that waking up in the middle of the night grinding my teeth or weeping at lunchbreaks, that’s behind me now. What would be the point?
No more writing lists of cutting remarks or drafting and redrafting emails to get just the right tone of unpleasantness. No more practicing arguments while I’m on my own in the car, or drawing little pictures of you trapped under heavy things, arms outstretched for the help I will never give you. No more sticking pins in the only half serious voodoo doll I have of you, and laughing as I imagine the mild discomfort it may be causing. I mean, I’ll probably still imagine you falling down manholes or injuring yourself on poorly maintained gym equipment, but now that will be just for fun rather than out of anger. 
Come back and talk to me when you have something to say, you ignorant irrelevant skinsack. Until then, just keep the whining self aggrandizing platitudes howling round the cavernous hollow of your empty soul you self serving liar.
Yep. Thats definetly what I should’ve said.