Wee Nasties and More...

As part of the first Inverclyde Festival of Heritage, Magic Torch will be launching a childrens book supported by Heritage Lottery Fund Scotland. It's a poem intended to introduce younger readers to some of the myths and legends of Inverclyde.

You can get Wee Nasties, written by myself and illustrated by Mhairi Robertson at The Dutch Gable House on Thursday 16 May. It will also be available for free download via amazon later in the month.

Here's a recording of Wee Nasties and some other silly childrens poems...



Here's a few draft chapters from Tin Jimmy, the other locally based childrens book I'm working on.

And here's some of Mhairi's wonderful sketches for the project, which will be on display with other original artwork from the book at The Dutch Gable House from 16 - 19 May and again later in the month...

could this be the infamous gourock monster?

Greenock's most controversial son...the pirate Captain Kidd...

Have your fortune told by the Port Glasgow Mermaid...

Tin Jimmy - Chapter Three

Port Glasgow Air Raid Shelter

Another bit from a book I'm messing around with. If you haven't already, you can also read Chapter One and Chapter Two.

Megan's Gran has died, leaving her a mysterious map of her home town. Megan and her friend Cam spot the first location on the map during a school visit to a local shipyard to watch some public art being made. When everyone else has gone, Megan and Cam here a strange, angry tapping coming from inside the Phoenix Egg sculpture...

Chapter Three

The lights flickered back on, silencing the tapping instantly. Startled, Megan and Cam turned to see Mr Finn at the doorway, staring.

'Your class are leaving,' he said, 'you had better go and catch them up.'

'Dropped my phone,' said Cam by way of explanation.

'Yes. You should really be more careful.'

Mr Finn stood, waiting for them to leave. Both of them were only too happy to get out.

It took Megan all day to convince Cam that following the map into the old air raid shelter behind the supermarket was a good idea. Probably because it wasn't a good idea. It was a terrible idea. A terrible idea with a very good chance of rats.

'Hah! You aren't scared of rats are you Cam?' she'd said, not even fooling herself.

'No. I'm scared of black death and lymes disease.'

Megan had to google that.

It was pretty scary. So many scabs.

Eventually she gave up trying to convince him and announced she was going alone. That's when he agreed to come. Megan made a mental note to remember that for next time.

The old air raid shelter was a series of interconnected tunnels hollowed out under a cliff. Cam said it ran down underground for miles. It had been built especially for the workers of a nearby munitions factory which had just been turned into very posh flats.

Officially of course, it was now a hazard to health and safety, all blocked off and locked up. Unoffically, you could squeeze in behind the dodgy garages.

Cam was tucking his waterproof trousers into his welly boots for the third time.

'Cam honestly, you're fine.'

'What about leeches?'

'I don't think you get leeches here. Or pirhana.'

'You might. No one's been down here for years. It's an undisturbed ecosystem. Anything could be living there.'

'Velociraptors under Port Glasgow?'

'No. But there's that Big Cat people are always seeing on the hills behind the town.'

'And with miles of moorland to run across, it lives behind a supermarket? An urban puma.'

'Puma, velociraptor, pirhana...if I get eaten, you'll have my mum to deal with.'

Megan was actually a bit scared of Cam's mum - she was a nurse and not really one for nonsense. One time she found out he'd been trading all the fruit in his packed lunch for sherbet and wham bars and he was only allowed to eat raw vegetables and porridge for the rest of the month. That had been a really tough month for everyone.

'Okay? Ready to go?'

Cam nodded glumly.

The two splashed into the darkness. The water was deeper than Megan had thought it would be, and she was starting to wish they hadn't bought their torches in the pound shop.

‘My gran wrote a story about a place like this…maybe the old railway tunnels that people hid in during air raids?’

‘Was it a funny story with a happy ending?’

‘Not really. The end of the tunnel had collapsed as people were running in to shelter, and for years after there were always these wee sad grey figures who would try and get kids to come down and play on the tracks with them. Every so often, someone would go down to play, and they would be found later, people just thought they had been hit by trains or electrocuted on the tracks,  but actually it was because the blitz children had dragged them off into the tunnels with their wee cold hands.’

The dark seemed briefly darker, and colder too.

‘Great story Meg. Thanks for sharing. She was always a right laugh your Gran.’

‘I know a few more…’

‘Do they have clowns in them? Or rats? Because those stories can wait.’

Megan stopped suddenly and gestured for Cam to stop too.

‘Shh. What’s that?’

There was a distant splash which echoes through the empty dark. Then another. And another. The unmistakeable splish splash of something else, walking through the tunnels towards them.

Cam looked around, trying to get his bearings, ‘Which way is that coming from?’ Megan shushed him again.

More splashing, faster now, and nearer.

Cam reached for Megan, taking her hand to run back the way they had come.

‘No it’s coming from that way. Go this way!’

Cam turned his torch towards the nearest junction in the tunnels, two eye beamed eerily back at them, reflecting the faded torchlight. They both screamed as the creature splashed quickly towards them, its startled eyes dancing ever closer through the black. In a moment, the terrified deer had run past them both and back out into the streets above.

Cam was still screaming long after it had gone.

‘Cam? Cam it’s away now. It was just a deer.’

‘Did you see those eyes? It looked evil.’

Cam fumbled through his pockets, finally producing a packet of chewing gum.

‘Evil.’

The two friends stood in silence for a moment.

‘See,’ said Cam, ‘there could be a puma down here.’

‘Maybe that’s why the deer was running,’ said Meg, it was supposed to be a joke, but it was too soon.

‘Can we go yet?’ Cam scowled.

‘Just five more minutes. My gran wanted me to come down here, I’d really like to know why.’

Steadying one another as they went, they wandered through what felt like miles of tunnels, past the rotted bench and bed frames where families must have huddled together as the bombs fell, past the tiny cubicles people used as toilets and down towards the huge machines which stood at the tunnels end.

‘What are these?’

‘Maybe for air conditioning. Or water pumps?’

The torchlight illuminated a face amongst the rust, startled, Megan stumbled back into Cam.

‘Look at this!’

It was a figure, a person, sculpted and built from metal. The head was a near perfect sphere, studded with rivets. Two eyes, large hexagonal bolts, stared vacantly into the shelter and a wide rectangular gap, like a broken letterbox, was the figures mouth. It hung open as if in surprise, or perhaps, silently screaming.

‘Cam, it’s…it looks like a robot.’

In the low light of their pound shop torches, steel still gleamed through all the grease and dirt.

'It looks a bit like one of those new Waterworx statues.' said Cam 'What do you think its doing down here?'

'I've no idea. Looks like it's been here a long time though. This must be what Gran wanted me to find.'

'But how did she know it was here? Did she build it do you think?'

'Doubt it. She couldn't even do lego.'

Cam tapped it gently. At once, the robots eyes flared an angry orange and it grabbed Cam's arm.

'Unnnnnderaaaaaattack. Ehhhhhnnnehmeee.'

'Run!' shouted Cam.

Chapter 4

Loch Ness Haiku

Beneath quiet dark,
The creature, restless, writhing,
Rising toward sky.

Bad Gold

A monster sketch from mhairi robertson

Three warriors protected the village. It was a small village, and they were brave warriors, just and well respected. They defended with honour, taking no pride in their skill, caring only for the families in their village.

One day an elder from the next village asked if they would help defend them from bandits. At first, the warriors refused, their place was with the village they loved, defending their families and friends. But the elder offered them a bag of gold coins for their trouble.

'What harm can it do?' said the First Warrior, 'with this gold we could buy more defences for our own village and even build more houses.'

So the warriors left and defended the next village from bandits, and returned a little richer.

Word spread further about the warrior's skills, and more villages came to ask for their assistance, offering more gold.

And the warriors took the gold, built more houses, and bought weapons to arm other warriors to defend the village while they were gone.

So it went for many months, the warriors trained more warriors, and sent scouts to other villages to ask if they needed defending from anything. That's how they found the dragon.

The dragon was causing all sorts of trouble for a town in the north, but it was so large and so vicious that it would take an army to defeat it. But by now, the little village had an army.

'If we best the dragon, people will know how skilled we are.' said the First Warrior.

'And if we break the dragon, it will be ours to command.' said the Second Warrior.

'We will be unbeatable.' said the Third Warrior.

So it was they marched north, battled the dragon, and won.

And the dragon was wonderful and terrible, assuring the warriors victory in every battle, but it was greedy, needing gold to survive. So the warriors had to ask for more gold from the villages they defended, and to steal gold from villages not in their care. They swept across the land, feeding the dragon.

One day, the warriors came upon the village that had once held the most important place in their heart. Blackened from the fires and smelts of the forges which crafted weapons for their many armies, the houses all gone. And on the mountain above, rested the dragon, always hungry, always waiting.

The warriors saw their folly, but it was too late to change things. The dragon roared, the forges burned and the gold rolled slowly in.

And the warriors marched to the next village, no longer remembering whether they were there to defend or attack, knowing it no longer mattered.

Read more Community Fables here

Tin Jimmy - Chapter Two

Comet Rebuilt 

I've been really rubbish at doing the blog this year, been busy doing other stuff. However, I did get a right positive response for the first chapter of a book I posted in January. So here's a draft of Chapter Two. You can still read the first chapter here.

So far...Megan's grandmother has exploded on holiday, leaving Megan a mysterious package and letter. The letter reveals that Gran knew the secret Megan has been hiding for months...she can fly...

Chapter Two

It was true. Megan could fly. Properly fly. Out of windows and up through clouds.

It had started happening about 3 months ago – she had woken up with her nose squashed almost flat against her ceiling.

At first she thought there must have been an earthquake, there had been a few rumblings and tremors earlier in the year, but then she realised everything else was still where it was supposed to be. Only she had moved. Megan spent a few moments not falling, and gently moving about by pushing her hands across the ceiling. Then she pushed away, floating horizontal and happy in the middle of her room.

The best bit, the strangest bit, was how it all seemed so easy to work out, how good she got at it so quickly, like it was something she had always known how to do - not at all like riding a bike. Megan had dented 3 cars, knocked over a shed and broken a leg learning to ride a bike. It wasn't even her own leg. Poor wee Mr Graham had been really understanding about that.

Megan continued reading her Gran's beautiful old fashioned handwriting

I really want to be able to explain it all to you, but if you are reading this, it's because they finally caught up with me. I can't risk writing it all down. But Megan I need you to find out for yourself. Follow the map. Then you'll know what you have to do. All my love sweetheart. Fly safe.

That was it.

Next, Megan carefully unfolded the map, laying it out on her bed. Greenock, Port Glasgow and Gourock and Surrounding Environs 1953 Ordnance Survey. Megan stared at the map, at street names and places she did not recognise, avenues and parkland from long ago. There were five red circles on the map, each one of them numbered. None of them in any places that she knew.

'Right. Gran wanted me to go to these places,' thought Megan, 'so maybe she's left things there for me to find. Maybe more letters.'

The letter and the map made some sort of sense to Megan, but the newspaper page was a complete mystery. There was a story about new schools being built, an advert for Golden Syrup and a big photo of a ship launch from the yards. She folded it back up and put it with the letter in her China print keepsake box in the space under her bedside cabinet. The map she put in her schoolbag.

'So. My dead Gran knows why I can fly, she was trying to get away from someone, and she's left me a treasure map.'

Excited, she did her best to fall asleep, because unfortunately, none of those things were going to stop her having to go back to school tomorrow.

A pale thin man in a suit stood at the front of the class beside Miss McCue. He was completely bald, in that really shiny way, and the fact that you could see his whole head meant you could see how bumpy it was.

'Maybe he's got a really big brain or something.' said Cameron, not even all that quietly.

Cameron was Megan's best friend, they sat together in most classes and had done since Primary 3. Even then he was the tallest in class. He pretended he wasn't though, always hunching up or curling in on himself, like some massive spindly legged spider constantly trying to hide under the nearest rock. Except there were no rocks big enough. Sometimes though, when he said rude things far too loudly in class, Megan really wished there were.

Miss McCue looked at Cameron, very briefly, before beaming her award winning smile across the class.

‘Well class, today we have a real treat for you. Mr Finn is here from Waterworx, the people who are building all the new offices, shops and houses at the riverside.’

Miss McCue was used to the awkward disinterested silence which followed the news of a ‘special treat’ which clearly wasn’t all that special, so she bravely soldiered on.

‘Waterworx are also making lots of new sculptures and statues to brighten up the town, and they have come along today because they want us to help.’

Cameron had his hand up, always a potential pitfall when a visitor came.

‘Yes Cameron,’ said Miss McCue, trying very hard to send Cameron a telepathic message along the lines of, ‘Best behaviour. Please remember how upset that fireman got last time’.

‘Are they going to pay us to help?’ asked Cameron.

Miss McCue did her best charming laugh. ‘No Cam, we’re helping design a statue because we’ll all learn something and it will be good fun.’

Cameron had his hand up again, even though Megan had just elbowed him.

‘Yes Cameron,’ smiled Miss McCue, very seriously.

‘It says in the paper Waterworx have millions and millions of pounds.’

Miss McCue smiled nervously at Mr Finn, who thankfully seemed to be taking it all in his stride.

‘That’s actually true Cameron,’ said Mr Finn, ‘but most of it is to spend on new buildings, I tell you what though, I’ll do you all a deal. You all want to make a deal?’

The class perked up a bit, instantly more interested now there was a potential opportunity for gambling and free stuff.

‘This is an old building you have here. Your head teacher was telling me you have a very leaky roof…is that right?’

Stacey's hand went up this time.

‘Yes.’

‘There was a big bulge in the ceiling in French class and it burst and all this water poured out onto Steven Barclay and there were drowned pigeons in it.’

Everyone laughed.

‘Dear me. Well, if you help us with a new sculpture, we’ll make sure your leaky roof is no longer a problem. How does that sound?’

Miss McCue could tell they were unimpressed, and hoped Mr Finn had something other than that up his sleeve.

‘And of course the person with the winning design will get a new playstation.’

Result.

‘Okay everyone,’ said Miss McCue, ‘I think we all agree that sounds like an excellent opportunity, so now Mr Finn is going to take us to see one of the new sculptures being built at the shipyard in Port Glasgow. Yes Cameron.’

‘How much are we allowed to make our sculpture cost? Can ours be made out of platinum?'

'No.' said Miss McCue, ‘In twos, downstairs to the bus.’

Megan and Cam sat in the middle of the bus, far enough away from the snogging at the back, but not near enough the front to be involved in rehearsing songs from the school show. It was the first time they had properly talked since Megan’s Gran died.

‘She left me a letter.’

‘That’s nice. My gran left us lots of out of date catfood and an old handbag full of fivers and raffle tickets.’

‘It had a map with it,’ explained Megan.

‘I got fifty quid and bought a new game,’ said Cam, drifting off.

‘Cam are you even listening?’

‘A map. Your gran gave you a map.’

‘Yes. A map of round here. It’s marked with numbers. I think she wanted me to find something.’

‘What? Treasure you mean?’

‘I don’t think so. She already left us quite a bit of money. This is something else, just for me.’

‘Right.’

‘And I want you to help me find it.’

Megan saw a smile flicker briefly across Cameron’s face. Right now, she wasn't totally sure how she was going to get Cam to help her find the secret of why she could fly without actually telling him she could fly, but she knew she wanted someone with her she could trust.

‘Let’s see it then,’ said Cameron.

Megan took the map out of her bag and unfolded it, ‘Careful though. It’s a bit old and damp.’

Cameron peered at the map. ‘This is like the street maps you can still get in the newsagent. It’s just from years ago.’

‘There’s five places she’s put a circle at. The first one is in Port Glasgow.’ Megan pointed to the tiny red circle numbered "1".

'Do they join up into a mysterious symbol?' asked Cam, who had read the Da Vinci Code.

'Nope. Not even a pentagon. They're all over the place.'

Cam traced his long fingers across the streets. ‘Some of these places aren’t there anymore.’

‘But I bet you know where to find them?’

‘Maybe. I’m pretty sure that one is the old hospital, and that’s the entrance to the railway tunnel – that track doesn’t get used now either.’

Megan smiled, ‘See. I knew you’d be able to do it. What’s number one?’

‘Behind the new flats in the ropeworks? It’s just a supermarket I think. Wait…’

Cam took out his phone. ‘Map app,’ he explained and started tapping and swiping.

The coach pulled up outside the shipyard

'Right. I've added the other four as locations as well, got them all. Number one is the hill behind the supermarket. It's an old bomb shelter apparently. Just over there.'

Megan grinned.

'No,' said Cam, 'absolutely not. We're here to appreciate some rubbish art, I was grounded for a month after we got caught skidging last time.'

'But how good were those monster trucks?'

Miss McCue shuffled everyone off the bus and Mr Finn led them into a big warehouse. There were bits of scaffolding and old boats in the far corner, random traffic cones were scattered around, presumably warning the unwary against some unseen health and safety issue. In the centre of the floor, there was an enormous metal egg. Mr Finn was pointing at it, looking very proud.

‘This sculpture is called Phoenix Egg. It’s going in the new town square,’ said Mr Finn, ‘Can anyone guess why we've chosen the name Phoenix Egg?'

'Do you really like eggs?' asked Scott Malcolm.

'I do really like eggs,' said Mr Finn, 'but that's not the reason.'

'Could you just not think of anything better?' asked Cam, pretending not to understand symbolism.

Mr Finn was a very quick learner, and so was already ignoring Cam, ‘The phoenix is a very symbolic bird. The sculpture represents rebirth and the new future for the town.' said Mr Finn, 'Because a Phoenix rises from the ashes and ruins to live again.’

Mr Finn paused dramatically, as if he was waiting for a round of applause.

‘Our town isn’t in ruins. Or on fire.’ said Megan.

‘No,’ smiled Mr Finn, ‘of course it isn’t. Shall we take a closer look at the sculpture?'

Cam took out his phone.

'Sorry,' said Mr Finn, 'no photos yet. We don't want to spoil the surprise for everyone.'

The class quickly wandered around the sculpture not touching, and off towards the other sheds. Megan and Cam, slipped outside.

Megan peered through the drizzle. There was a steep slope behind the supermarket, entirely covered in untidy bushes and trees.

'Is that it over there?'

'Think so. I'll check the phone to be sure.'

Cam rifled through his pockets.

‘Not here. I must have dropped it back in the shed.'

Down by the riverside, the rest of the class trooped past a large ship in for repairs, Miss McCue and Mr Finn out in front.

'Come on then,' said Megan.

The lights were now out in the shed.

'Here it is,' said Cam, 'must have dropped it when he tried to censor me.'

'Shh!' said Megan, 'What's that?'

'What's what?'

There was a tapping and hissing from inside the egg, and between tiny gaps in the riveted plates, a red glow, more obvious now in the darkness. It was as if there was something inside the metal egg, waiting to come out.

Chapter Three